The ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Trailer, With 30% More Heavy Breathing Than ‘Twilight’

The series of best-selling erotic novels that started life as Twilight fan fiction written by “Snowqueen’s Icedragon” (author E. L. James’ username at the time) have finally made the full leap to cinematic immortality with the arrival of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer. I thought Twilight had mastered the art of heavy-breathing as code for romance, but apparently I’d forgotten this was coming out. Delightful.

Meet Christian Grey, everybody. He’s the perfect man – rich, successful, confident, creepy, possessive. Seriously, it’s not the whips and the blindfold that’s the weird part here – everyone has to try that at least once – it’s the absolute hero worship of the male lead that’s happening here. But hey, I guess the peculiarly named Anastasia Steele deserves a chance at love however she likes it. Who am I to judge, right?